do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
