you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
