At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
