I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
