I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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