Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
