She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
