it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
