i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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