I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
