so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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