I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
