I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he puts the penis in happiness.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
