Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize