i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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