It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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