member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
