Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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