My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
