it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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