the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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