the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
