i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
