Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
only you would photoshop your dick
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My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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