There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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