I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
