So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
