Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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