pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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