Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
