I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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