I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
