I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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