ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
