ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
