Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
