omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
