ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
