i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
