if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
