Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
