Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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