hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
