His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
