im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
