I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
