I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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