I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
