I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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