I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
