well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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