Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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