I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
