it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
