i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
