I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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