dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
