Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My bed smells like the plague
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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