Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
True strength comes from lack of pants
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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