Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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