I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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