What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
