u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
