i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
do nipples grow back?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
