I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
