go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
