you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
