Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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