just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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