Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
