what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
