We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
