sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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