When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
