He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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