Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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