had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
