JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
