highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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